Seperate but Undead

The recent brouhaha caused by a blog post posted at www.blacklooks.org has thrown a harsh light onto a often overlooked problem throughout the world, Zombie Racism. Now, we want our readers to fully understand the concepts that are going to be put forth in the following commentary. When we refer to Zombie Racism we're talking about the killing of Zombies who, prior to zombification, were part of a minority group.

We here at Fuzzy Ion have conducted our own in depth investigation into the causes and motivation behind this Zombie Racism. Our findings are both incredible and shocking at the same time. While interviewing those persons alive and undead, we discovered a frighteningly high number of cases where people excluded from the horrific attacks by zombies on living, breathing, human beings.

One such case happened to Thomas Johnson, owner of a local convenience store in downtown Cleveland Ohio:

Reporter: So, Mr. Johnson, can you explain to us exactly what happened to you?
T.Johnson: Well, it was about 6:35 in the morning and I had just unchained the gate and was about to let myself into the store when from down the street I heard this terrible ruckus. At first I thought it might have been a car accident, it was certainly loud enough. About a minute later a dozen or so people can running around the corner, screaming and waiving their arms in the air, making so much noise that it set of the alarm of the car parked across the street. When I went out to see what was happening that's when I saw them. There had to be a hundred of them, all shambling and moaning and generally causing a nuisance. I was just about to go inside and lock the door when something shoved me from behind and pushed me down to the sidewalk. I rolled on my back to see what it was and one of "them" was leaning over me like he was about to bite my face off when a cop shot it through the head and saved my life.

Reporter: Talk about timing! You're a lucky man Mr. Johnson.
T.J.: I suppose you're right.

Reporter: That's an amazing story. Did you get a chance to thank the officer who saved you?
T.J.: Thank him?! Hell no I didn't thank him. Did you know that the cops were only killing the black zombies? I mean, it's hard to believe that the police would be racist in the face of a zombie outbreak.

Reporter: Racism? Surely you can't be implying that the police were specifically targeting those zombies who were of African decent?
T.J.: That's exactly what I'm saying. Those cops were only killing the black zombies. I saw the cops just run past a white zombie stuck in an phone booth with the door jammed. If that's not racism, I don't know what is!

Reporter: Couldn't it be that the police were going after those zombies that posed the greatest threat to the human population? And since the door of the phone booth was jammed, the zombie inside posed less of a threat then those zombies wandering the streets?
T.J.: You're with them aren't you?! I'm not talking to you anymore. Good day.

Through various other interviews, police reports, and government documents that we have been able to obtain, we here at Fuzzy Ion have come to the conclusion that people see what they want to see and jump to conclusions before they have all the facts. When you look at the big picture, can't we all agree that the only good zombie is a dead zombie, regardless of race, sex, or religious beliefs held prior to zombification?.

The above passages are intended solely for the purpose of entertainment.